\At the turn of the century, it looked as if Vin Diesel was poised to be this generation’s next great action star. Impressive and profitable turns in The Fast and the Furious and XXX made him the go-to guy when it came to high-octane adventures. Subsequent turns in disappointing fare such as Knockaround Guys and Man Apart forced his flame to dull, before snuffing out completely after his failed dramatic turn in Find Me Guilty. Two years later, the muscle-bound actor makes his big screen return with the boorishly banal Babylon A.D.
The film takes place in a war ravaged future, where guns are openly sold on the streets, and the landscape is littered with bombs and bodies. Diesel plays Toorop, a ruthless mercenary who is more than willing to take a life, if the price is right. Though his rudimentary communication skills often consists of monosyllabic grunting, his brash exterior hides the more sensitive, wine-sipping personality that exists deep within. When he is summoned to meet with the vicious Grosky (a near-unrecognizable Gerard Depardieu), he cautiously agrees to accept a dangerous mission; take a young girl named Aurora (Melanie Thierry) from a Russian monastery, and deliver her to New York. The reason for her trip is never made clear, and even though he is not allowed to enter the United States, for Toorop, the $500,000 mission is a risk worth taking.
Awful Action
From the outset it is glaringly apparent to the viewer that Aurora possesses some sort of secret powers, yet Toorop and the girl’s guardian (Michelle Yeoh) are blind to her bizarre abilities. Despite the fact that she can make things explode when she is angry, and is able to operate a submarine without ever being inside of one, the characters are too caught up in the constant action around them to ever take notice. Cage fights, shooting matches, baren-knuckle brawls, and snowmobile chases are showcased in the most trivial fashion imaginable, and are completely devoid of style and substance.
Laughable dialogue was to be expected, but even the films target audience will have a tough time swallowing the majority of the action. Uninspired and downright dull, the action scenes play out in predictable and pathetic succession, culminating in a forced finale that will leave viewers scratching their heads. Even director Mathieu Kassovitz’s bleak vision of the future is disappointing, obscenely ripping of Blade Runner with every unoriginal turn.
To make matters worse, the final scene will lead audience members to believe that this isn’t a stand-alone movie, but rather, was meant to signify the beginning of a successful series. Unfortunately for the producers and Mr. Diesel himself, even in today’s ever-forgiving world, this is one franchise that doesn’t stand a chance.
Grade- D
